Journalist tried cancelling me..

Dec 2023: A little vent session about the human psyche.

Gaza. All day everyday. To be clear. Very clear. 

It has given me immense pride to have a significant following and to, at the very least, feel like I’m sharing and supporting a cause I feel so strongly about.

This is why I got into this work. To stand up for what I believe in. Unapologetically. And I would do it again and again..

There is something I want to share. I feel safer to do it here on this substack than anywhere else. Since presumably the fact you’re here on this mailing list means you have some sort of value for my words or work. I feel safer knowing that. I feel like this community is more nuanced, understanding and knows me more intimately. So forgive me if I use this space to share and be more vulnerable than other platform. 

Instagram is a jungle of opinions, judgement and chaos that in all truth I have not felt safe in for a very long time.

I feel like I’m dancing on an edge of a knife, at gunpoint, by thousands of anonymous strangers waiting for me put a foot wrong. 

Which in truth, I really cannot afford to. This is my main livelihood, how I put food on my mother’s table. I love what I do, but I am only resentful that it is so vulnerable to the marketplace of opinion. Like walking on a thin sheet of ice. The larger your celebrity, the heavier your iron boots. 

SHAME ON YOU

It has been almost 3 months now since I have posted anything work related, instead using my platform to happily push out material about Gaza, Palestine, Congo, Sudan. I even engineered existing projects to have Palestinian angles. However it’s starting to take a toll on me. Because my main revenue model is posting branded social media content. Which funds me posting what I want to. But that has now stopped. So in normal workplace language I’ve essentially been unemployed for three months. It feels petty and is difficult to even say this in the context of a genocide. 

A couple weeks ago I tried to post something work related however. Cash flow was worryingly low and others in my world began posting work content again. I didn’t want to, but I had to. I’d collaborated with a hotel way before October and they were pressing me to post. I decided to post it and implicitly include Gaza somehow to make sure I wasn’t taking attention away from the tragedy. 

Eventually a prominent Al-Jazeera journalist screenshot the post and shared the story with a caption “SOCIAL MEDIA PERSONALITIES CENTRING THEMSELVES DURING A GENOCIDE”. 

My stomach turned. I could not believe it. I have pretty thick skin, but will always feel hurt when my integrity is questioned. It is all I have ever cared about. I archived the post within 10 mins of posting it. 

There is an insidious culture working in social media. Personalities, companies and organisations are vying for your attention. They know how to pull on the psyche to evoke an emotional response from you. AJ knew I represent someone with “perceived” power. An “influencer”. Someone in an enviable position that many aspire for or they love to hate. They had used what I represent and weaponised a cause because they knew it would gain traction for their own platforms. It is that twisted in the world I work in. Everyone doing anything they can for engagement.

Was there ever a thought that as a content creator I may be posting what I need to so I can continue to post what I want to? That as an individual with a following we must keep the engine running to be able to continue being useful? That if many like myself do not continue to post work related content, how will they earn, live and support their families or dependents? 

Most people can post and share and still go to work the next day and get paid. Some people i.e journalists even get paid to post about the causes we care about. However public personalities post in spite of the damage and difficulty it’ll cause them and their work. And for those not famous or rich enough to survive such a hiatus, for the fledgling artists like my broke ass.. it means termination of contracts, loss of work, loss of financial security and even getting kicked out of hotels. 

BASSEM YUSUF AND DEAF EARS

This is not a post about causes of the world, it’s an inquiry (rant) about the human psyche. How we project so much aspiration on those we perceive to have power, instead of taking the agency to create change ourselves. 

So much of social media activity is policing other people’s actions, as supposed to reflecting about what actions we could be taking within our given environments. 

Earlier this month I attended an open Q&A by Egyptian comedian Bassem Yusuf at Cop28 in Dubai. He entered the stage to a ground shaking applause. Young Arabs screaming and cheering. And rightfully so. Bassem recently blew up for his entertaining and unique support for Gaza. Most notably his interview on Piers Morgan. 

A young Arab stands up to ask a question and uses his time to instead shower praise on Bassem: 

“Thank you so much for being a voice for the Palestinian cause. We feel so blessed to have leaders like you spearheading the movement”. The crowd erupted in another cheer. But I was looking directly at Bassem, who at this point was visibly uncomfortable and biting his lip. He raised his hands and interrupted the applause. 

“Stop stop, please stop clapping”. The crowd continued to cheer assuming he was just being humble. “Please stop. I am too old I have seen this story play out too many times in my life” They continue. “I said stop!” The crowd awkwardly stopped.

“I am not a voice for the Palestinian cause. I had the fortune of a platform and seized a moment to share what I felt was right. But to call me a leader and a voice for the Palestinian cause sets me up for failure. It is an insult to the real heroes and activists who dedicate their lives to the cause. I am just a comedian. I make people laugh. I know when I stop posting for the cause and resume my livelihood those that love me will be ready to attack me”. The audience claps confused. 

Next question another young Arab showered him with more praise for his work on Palestine. And he sunk his head into his sullen hands in frustration. They didn’t get it. They were just too enamoured with this trending, viralling and electric personality to hear his words. Their deafness to his message was ironically the perfect analogy. 

CULTURAL CHANGE INFORMS POLITICAL CHANGE 

That being said. In no way am I turning away from the accountability people of influence have in the public domain. My mentor Abdul-Rehman always told me “Cultural change will always precede political change”. I fully understand as a cultural producer the huge role I and others like myself play in forming and inspiring young minds. It is a responsibility and cause I take very seriously. I hope from my work that’s clear to see.

What I am trying to get us to understand, is that frustratingly most causes throughout my lifetime have dwindled into nothingness as a result of our own people attacking each other. Not understanding that we’re all doing whatever we can within whatever we can. In three months one post of mine was work related and was unfairly singled out and used to fuel a witch-hunt against “public personalities”. As if we’re not human and deserving of the consideration you’d give to any real human in your life. Just someone trying to pay the bills and also do what’s right.

I do understand however, that as a community we have been humiliated, ignored and stripped of all agency and visibility. So when we experience a huge personality like Bassem speaking truth to power we latch all our aspirations onto this person. Yet this unhealthy need for celebrity heroes that drop dopamine bombs takes away from the real work that needs to be done. From the accountability we need to take. Supporting the real activists. Doing the WORK. And action.

This might be an unpopular opinion. We talk so much about the responsibility and actions of the personalities we observe online. Have any of us ever considered the responsibility and etiquette we have as viewers and consumers?

As things are, there are very few willing to put themselves and their livelihoods on the line. Not out of fear of being attacked by those they stand up against, but being attacked by those they tried to speak up for.

Thanks for letting me vent, this is poorly written in 30 mins at a cafe with very shitty coffee. I might regret this post who knows? See you next month. Love always, keep posting about Palestine, stay humble, love generously, be kind, create beautifully xoxox